What a busy life it has been! So many times I've wanted to start writing but it's usually night time before I have a chance to pull out my laptop and by then I'm either tired or have other things to do before the day is over.
It's been two weeks since the little guy was brought here....I can't state his name due to confidentiality so I'll just call him Little N. Unlike Daniel's case, we've had very little contact with any caseworker and have no idea right now what his status is. So we just live every day and keep saying things like "well if Little N is still here next week....." because at this point we really don't know. With Daniel, we knew within the first few days the conditions that brought him into DHS custody, the investigator kept in frequent contact and gave us updates, and we knew much more about his biological family. With Little N much of that is a mystery.
Daniel is learning how to relate to him and I think he's even starting to like him :-) The other night they occupied each other for quite a while just running around and around. Daniel has asked if we get to keep him and if we can adopt him. We keep telling him that Little N will be going back to his home, although there's a chance DHS could move him into a kinship placement before that.
I have no desire to adopt a second child right now. Being a single parent--even with my mom's help--is hard enough with one, I just don't think I could do two! Maybe someday. But sometimes when I think about Little N leaving it makes me a little sad. I know our house will be much quieter and I think it will be hard for Daniel who has said several times that he wants a brother.
If Little N goes back to his mother in a few months I think that ideal would be that a relationship would be built in which Little N could still come and visit and we could be a part of their lives. That seems to be best, especially if he were here for a couple of months, because by then I'm sure the relationship between the boys would be stronger.
I have not met his mother yet. She is younger than me and a part of me feels like it would be awkward. And another part of me just doesn't feel like I have it in me to get involved. With Daniel's situation I went to most of the parent visits, I talked with his parents (mother mostly), I saw all of the court reports and CASA reports, I went to most of the court hearings. This time around I don't want to do any of that! I just want to be a safe home and fill-in mother and let the court/DHS do what they will. Maybe God will want me to build a relationship with Little N's mother. Or maybe my mom can do it and that will be enough.
Every time the phone rings I think it might be DHS and if it is, I have a little anxiety over any changes a phone call might bring. Even though I'm not wanting adoption I still realize that this little child is in our home and like it or not he is in our hearts! We can't go backwards....he is a part of our lives and whatever happens there will be emotions. We love him and pray for a happy, secure future for him.
Tonight I went to tuck them both in and enjoyed listening to their steady, peaceful breathing (and snoring!) Just living one day at a time and seeing what a new day might bring.
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