As a teenager, my plan for my life was to get married when I was 21 and then by the time I was 30 I would have about 3, maybe 4 kids. Yeah, I had it all planned out!
21 came and went and I didn't meet Mr Right, but I muddled around in college a little trying to figure out "what I was going to be when I grew up."
During that time I started volunteering on a regular basis at the children's shelter in my city. I loved it. I love children and was absolutely delighted to rock babies and play with toddlers. I became interested in fostering and finally found a direction for education. I would foster and work on a degree so that I could be a therapist working with abused kids. My goals were clarified, and now I dreamed of helping lots of children....fostering, adopting, therapy, advocating.
In 2007 I started fostering a baby (Daniel) and continued to slowly work on a degree. I graduated in 2010 and adopted Daniel that same year.
One child. Life right now is so different than what I pictured it would be. I had planned to have lots of children--biological, fostered, adopted....and today I have one child.
That's not to say that someday I might still have more children...whether biological or adopted or both...I don't know. (Daniel is hoping so!) But for today God has asked me to invest in one.
And I have tried to give that one 100% as best I can. When his attachment seems shaky I try to be patient and spend one on one time to strengthen his trust and security. I remember one time when he was a toddler and he was trying to talk and show me things for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was so tempting to be impatient or bored but I reminded myself that I was investing into the future. If I can lay a good foundation now while he is young, then I believe it will pay off when he is older. I spent a year doing pretty intense therapy with him.....until I was so tired that I had to take a break!
Sometimes one can take so much energy. We've considered fostering again. A year ago I planned to begin volunteering as a CASA--Court Appointed Special Advocate--working on behalf of a child in DHS custody. I've considered volunteering at the shelter again. And each time I come back to the fact that Daniel is only 5. He's had 3 stable years now and it's not time for me to go out and spend a lot of hours helping other children--yet, even though part of my heart still wants to! I still do want to volunteer in CASA--even if it's when I'm 50! Or maybe go back for a master's degree someday and be a therapist.
So on those days when I feel like I wish I could do so much more to change the world, I ask God to help me remember that one is important to Him. And maybe this one will go on to do great things. And maybe someday I will still have opportunity to reach more. But for today I hope I can be faithful to pray for, teach, and guide my one.
