the end.

The grueling trial week was drawing to a close. I sat in the courtroom the end of the day, Thursday during one witness on behalf of Daniel's mother at the end of the day. She had been "Maria's" teacher for her parenting classes. I thought she did well as a witness and that the Assistant District Attorney was effective in his cross-examination. Now that I was sitting in the court room as an observer I had time to study the jurors.

Out of six jurors, if I remember correctly, there were three men and three women. All were white and ranged in age from maybe early twenties to fifties. They all seemed to listen intently but kept expressionless faces. It had to be quite an experience for them all, especially the youngest guy who looked like he was barely out of high school.

Friday morning, Maria's attorney would call a witness and then she would take the stand. I would be home with Daniel waiting for updates from my mom. The first witness blamed DHS for not helping Maria get Daniel back. She said that they failed to make a treatment plan that she could understand. (On the contrary i thought that DHS and the judge did everything they could do give her every opportunity to have Daniel back in her care.) In addition she too was suffering from PTSD from stress and trauma in her own life and this whole situation was making it worse.

After Daniel's mother's testimony, court recessed for lunch. When we reconvened it would be time for closing arguments. A friend was coming to stay with Daniel and I planned to be there for the closing arguments and verdict.

When I got to court, it was pretty full already. The two caseworkers sitting in front of me were talking about how Maria's attorney had practically started yelling at her during her testimony. He seemed to be falling apart and feeling stressed. The sheriffs who worked at the courthouse whom we had seen so many times before came in to observe. I found out later that a lot of people knew about and were following Daniel's case. As one foster mother recently told me "it was the case of the year!" I believe it.

The Assistant District Attorney and Daniel's public defender both gave closing arguments, then the attorney for Daniel's mother gave his. The contrast was noticeable. Maria's attorney seemed desperate. He tried to paint Maria as the victim (and I don't doubt that she suffered through the 1.5 years), but in his efforts he made it obvious that there was agreement among many parties that it was in Daniel's best interest that her rights be terminated. In contrast, both the ADA and PD gave very powerful closing arguments. I was impressed with their skill and command of the courtroom. At the conclusion the judge gave the jurors their instructions and we were dismissed to wait.

In the lobby, Maria and her attorney and interpreter went to the upper level to wait. I was extremely nervous but I stayed in the lower level with Daniel's attorneys, CASA, DHS worker, my mom and we joked and laughed--trying to diffuse our nerves I suppose. During this time I sent out a text to many friends asking for prayer as the jurors were deliberating.

It was within an hour I believe that we were all called back in. I felt sick with nervousness. Within a few minutes my future was going to change in one way or another. Daniel's mother was visibly nervous as well. She was sitting at a table in the front of the court room with all the attorneys and her interpreter. The rest of us were sitting on the benches in the back part of the room.

The jurors filed in and I'm sure all of us were trying to read their expressions or make eye contact. their faces were expressionless and they refused to make eye contact with anyone. The suspense in the court room was heavy.

After the preliminaries, the judge asked the jury foreman to read their verdict. He was a youngish, red-headed man, had a wedding band and looked like a family man. My mom grabbed my hand. As he read that the parental rights of Maria should be terminated I saw CASA and the DHS workers around me exchange glances as I exhaled and felt limp. I looked up at Maria....she was sitting facing the jury with her profile to me. I saw one tear roll down her cheek; and then another tear that followed the first one. This was the end of a journey for both of us.

After a few more formalities the court was dismissed and we began to file out. I didn't speak with Maria after exiting the court room. I don't think anyone knew what to say anyway. My mom and I were pulled off to the side with the attorney, CASA, and caseworker who were feeling relieved and happy. At this point I felt little emotion. In my journal entry I stated I felt "numb." The attorney mentioned that Daniel's mother had 30 days in which to file an appeal and that the court would set another hearing to determine a permanency plan for Daniel.

As we moved closer to the exit of the building, I watched Daniel's mother walk out to the parking lot alone. It was her 26th birthday that Friday, August 28th. I truly felt compassion for her. And it wasn't that I thought that Daniel should go back to her. The jury heard all the evidence and agreed on the verdict. It was right and best for Daniel, and by that time I think that even if Daniel had gone back to her it would not have been what she had hoped for. There was too much baggage and very little positive connection between her and Daniel. But it was still sad.

We still have notebooks of court reports, logs, doctor and psychologist reports from those months but it has been a long time since I have looked at them. I wanted to start writing some of this story so that I wouldn't forget. It has been somewhat haphazard and there are large gaps I still need to fill in. It was a hard, hard journey for all of us--our family, Daniel's parents, the attorneys, CASA, DHS, and most of all Daniel. At the conclusion of the trial we hoped that Daniel's mother could move forward and heal and start a new life. We hoped that Daniel could begin to move forward and begin to heal from PTSD. The day after the trial we were nearly sick with exhaustion. It was crazy but apparently the stress had been building for months.

The end of the trial meant that Daniel was still in DHS custody. A permanency plan still needed to be determined, an adoption worker would be assigned. It was the end of this part of the journey but it was not over yet.

I've been pulling out old journals, reading my entries from those months. I hope to eventually fill in some more of this story, "the case of the year",  in future posts.