Monday, June 12, 2017

it's been so long...

Occasionally friends ask if I am still blogging, and I say no as it has been a long time since I have even looked at this blog! Almost two years since I last posted....

And in those two years so much has happened and changed, and yet very little has changed. On the surface, much of life is the same as it was two years ago. But after some heartbreaking fostering situations, the last one ending a year ago, I realized it was time for me to end that chapter of my life.

For over 10 years I had been passionate about foster care, about making a difference in the system, starting when I was volunteering at the shelter. I thought it would be my calling for life, but then you realize sometimes that life direction and focus change and things don't always stay the same.

We took in our last baby in October of 2015. She was a newborn from the hospital with drugs in her system. We fully supported visitation with her mother and had assumed that she would be reunified with her mother, as her mom seem invested in working to get her baby back.

Shortly before she turned 6 months, the caseworker informed us that the paternal aunt was hoping to get custody of the baby and she would be completing her homestudy soon. We were surprised for several reasons, including that the plan was still reunification, so another move for the baby would be detrimental. Also, the paternal family had a history of instability documented through court records online.

We filed an objection to removal in court. Up to this point we had fully cooperated with DHS, had not gotten involved with anything to do with court, nor had we gone to court hearings or staffings, as this time our goal was only to provide care for the baby and not get involved with anything beyond that.

The court hearing was horrible and we were accused of wanting to adopt the baby. The judge made it clear that she was looking at this as an adoption case and that the aunt would be the adoptive home, completely dismissing the mother and her efforts.

The baby was moved the next day. From that time forward all communication was severed. In the following months the aunt was twice evicted from her apartment.

6 months later we became aware that the baby had to be removed from the aunt's home because the conditions had deteriorated. This was shortly before the baby's first birthday. We thought they would call us to take the baby again since by law we should be given first choice for placement. But they had already placed her in another foster home. We asked if we could visit. A visit was set up and then two days before the visit we were told it was cancelled and there would be no further visitation because it would traumatize the baby.

Filing a grievance went nowhere, as everyone pointed a finger at someone else as to why the case was handled as it was. The baby was supposedly adopted by that foster mother and I can only hope that she will have a good future after such a tumultuous first year of life.

At that point, I decided that this time I was really finished. In the past, I would take time to grieve and recover and then be ready again. But this time I realized that I could no longer deal with the stress and emotional roller coaster. The state continues to have a shortage of foster homes and yet I can no longer work with a system that is so very broken. There are many devastation foster care stories and i am not the only foster parent that has had to deal with heartbreak. Some find the strength to keep going but I knew that my time was finished.

It is time for me to focus on moving forward, making a good life for the son I do have, and finding new direction in life.

This blog was not originally started to talk about only foster care although that is kind of what it turned into! So maybe this will be the last post or maybe there will be future chapters,

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