The trial got off to a slow start. By a crazy coincidence, my friend's husband was called for jury duty that same week. We had joked around that it would be ironic if he were put on Daniel's case. Of course that would never happen....
Well he called me--I can't remember now if it was Monday or Tuesday--to tell me that he was being sent to juvenile court and he was wondering if he was being put on the jury for Daniel's mother. In retrospect it seems obvious that at that point we should have told Daniel's attorney because it wasn't honest. But his reasoning and my reasoning was more like "well maybe this is God's plan" because if he was on the jury then he could of course influence the jury to terminate her rights. It was so tempting to act in fear and to rely on ourselves. My mom called our pastor and told him the situation and right away he spoke truth and said that we were needed to do the right thing and trust GOD with the outcome. By that time my mom was at the court house and was able to communicate with Daniel's attorney. Interestingly, our friend was one the attorney's favorites and had we not told the truth he would have been seated on the jury.
The trial began Tuesday afternoon. My mom planned to be in the courtroom all week to observe. Since I would likely be a witness I could not come and she was able to tell me very little. In fact almost nothing except who was testifying. The following days were some of the most agonizing of my entire life. I was afraid of having the same outcome as the last jury trial and I did not think I could handle another round of parent visits, distress, and Daniel's mother working a treatment plan. I was just weary and tired of stress. I remember Tuesday night having what felt like a panic attack and saying "I can't do this!! I can't handle this week!" Of course, short of running away, I had no choice.
I spent that first part of the week hardly able to eat, trying to function normally, waiting for updates from my mom, playing worship music, and dreading being called as a witness. I was told that I would likely be called Thursday morning. But when Thursday morning came my mom called me and said that Daniel's mother's attorney had asked for a conference. He wanted her to relinquish her rights if I would agree to an open adoption. We would draw up an adoption agreement and it could be as open as I wanted it to be; it would be on my terms. Would I agree to this? Well, yes of course! It would mean the end of the trial, I would be spared from having to testify, my stress would be over, we could send her a letter and pictures every now and then....sounded great! In a few minutes my mom called me back and said that Daniel's mother said no. She wanted to continue the trial and let the jury decide. I couldn't believe it. So I had to call the woman who was going to come stay with Daniel and it was time to get ready for me to leave for the court house. My testimony would essentially be very similar to the visitation hearings, except this time I would only be cross-examined by the mother's attorney and there would also be a six-member jury.
In the lobby of the courthouse I sat down to wait. The court was on a break. Daniel's mom came into the lobby and sat down next to me. In just a short while we would both be going into the court room. I would be there as a witness for the attorney who was working to terminate her rights. I felt so awkward and at a loss for words. Finally I asked, "how was lunch? Where did you go to eat?" Obviously they were really dumb questions but in light of the fact that we were in the middle of a jury trial week I was just blank on what to say.
Court was called into session again and I waited in the lobby to be called. Meanwhile my nerves were going crazy. I was called in shortly and made that long walk to the front of the room again. I had never been before a jury before...should ignore them, smile at them, make eye contact, or ??? If I ignored them would I seem untrustworthy? If I made eye contact would it seem as if I were "schmoozing?"
This time Daniel's attorney chose to play the video/audio of Daniel's distress during visits and night terrors following the parent visits while I was a witness. Then he would be able to ask questions about it and have me describe what was happening. The jury listened intently and looked concerned. My tears started flowing.
The hardest moment came when Daniel's attorney finished and the mother's attorney started his cross-examination. He really only had two or three questions, but his final question was "do you think that "Maria's" (I changed her name for privacy) parental rights should be terminated?" Daniel's attorney objected to the question but the judge overruled. So he asked the question again. There she sat looking at me. The whole court room waited for my answer. I was torn. How could I say "yes" to that question when it would mean another mother's permanent loss and pain? How could I say "yes" when she was looking right at me? And yet the whole trial was about Daniel and the prosecution's whole case was based on the fact that after 1.5 years of trying to accomplish reunification it just wasn't working. And in the process Daniel was being robbed of peace, security, and, as mental health experts confirmed, healthy development. If my answer was "no" then why in the world was I up there and why were we all sitting through this trial? In that case, just send Daniel back to his original home.
I hesitated and hoped that maybe the attorney would back down. Finally I said, "I don't know what to say. I don't want to hurt "Maria" and....." He pressed me for my answer. I replied, "As far as Daniel's best interest, since this is about him, then....yes."
A large picture of Daniel was displayed in the court room for the jury to see. It was just a snapshot of him with his blue guitar. Daniel's attorney had a few more questions for me to answer for clarification. His final question was just for me to talk about Daniel. I could do that, and I could do it from my heart. All I wanted to convey was that Daniel was a precious child who needed a secure future. Thursday late afternoon, my part was finished. I was free to observe the rest of the trial which was supposed to be wrapping up by Friday afternoon.
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