Spring of 2009 found us continuing with parent visits at the psychologist's office with Daniel and his biological father. I waited in the waiting room. Daniel had seemed to have an overall preference for men, so we were curious to see how the visits would be without his biological mother present. There would only be about 4 visits before another court hearing. Daniel for the most part did well in the visits and his father was able to engage him in play. However his reactions and night terrors following the visits continued and the night terrors were almost becoming worse. It seemed that by the last visit, even though Daniel would play, his father realized that too much time was passing and he reportedly said to the psychologist "it's no use."

As we were preparing for another Spring court hearing, Daniel's attorney informed us that not only would he be requesting the father's visits to be suspended but he was also filing a motion to have the parental rights of both parents terminated. The trial was scheduled for the end of August.

During that Spring of '09 God was showing me the state of my heart and things that needed to be changed. I realized that I could not pray for this situation or sit in the witness seat with an impure heart towards Daniel's parents. I had wrestled with my emotions towards them repeatedly but knew it was time for it to be settled in my heart. I had had anger for the injuries Daniel had sustained, for the emotional distress that I had repeatedly witnessed, and for the lies that they had told. But I knew that I could no longer set myself up as the judge, nor was it up to me to determine the final outcome of what was best for Daniel. God was the judge; God knew what He was doing. The best way for me to cooperate with Him was to love.

I came across of page of prayers that were based on Scripture and were prayers for the spiritual well-being of another person. I began to pray for Daniel's parents daily, putting their names in the prayers. And as I prayed for them daily my heart began to change in a genuine way. At different times in the previous year I had had compassion for them and had seen them as humans who were around my age and entangled in the same messy situation that I was. But then I'd fall back into anger or judgment. This time however the changes were real and consistent.

I could finally see that Daniel's mother had been through emotional anguish just as I had. She had suffered the loss of her baby, had endured the stress of visits where Daniel screamed the whole time, probably dreaded the court hearings as much as I did, been through one jury trial already, experienced the same uncertainty that I had, and had been given promises that were then broken. It still didn't mean that at this point that I or anyone else thought that Daniel should go back to her but no matter how this situation ended someone would experience pain. And I hoped that if in the end, if she were the one who would have the final loss, that somehow it would work for good and she would be able to start a new, successful life.

The jury trail would begin August 24th. Daniel's attorney had several witnesses lined up, including me. He seemed to have a good feeling going into the trial but I think we were all a little hesitant to expect any kind of outcome. Daniel's parents had had an on/off relationship and by this time they were no longer together. Daniel's father failed to show up to the pre-trial and by the time of the trial his rights were terminated. I felt like perhaps he just realized that it was time to walk away from the situation and let Daniel be. (Daniel was now 2.5 years old)

Jury selection would begin on Monday August 24th, 2009. Right away there was a test of trusting God....