The first week was hard. There were many adjustments for everyone. Daniel and "Striker" were both used to being an only child so they were defensive and bickered with each other. After that first week things began to settle. The boys started getting along, and actually began playing well with each other with fewer and fewer squabbles.
For the first couple of weeks, the plan was that Striker would go to a relative after the home was approved. When that fell through, we were looking at him living with us for at least several months, if not longer. Daniel was definite that he was in agreement with that plan. On my good days, I was happy about it. On my tired days, I wondered if I could really assimilate a 4.5 year old into my life once the Fall schedule started.
But it made me happy to watch the boys playing outside on the trampoline, wrestle together, and hearing them play with cars and Legos together. Daniel is sociable and once he got over the hard first week, he seemed to, for the most part, enjoy having a buddy (not that they didn't get on each others nerves at times!)
So when the caseworker relayed the news to us today that there was another kinship possibility that had come forward, and looked promising, all of the hard things suddenly seemed minor and the sacrifices and inconveniences didn't seem so hard anymore. I realized I was going to miss the little man when he moves, whether that is next week or months from now. When I told Daniel of the latest possibilities, I got teary. I think I cry when every child leaves. Even the hardest one earlier this year, I cried for two days and still have his picture in my room.
I don't like loss and I don't like to be sad. But when these children come and go, I let myself process my feelings in front of Daniel so that he learns that it's ok to love and let go. It's ok to feel sad. And it's ok to grieve.
I still grieve over my little Miss B. I miss her all the time. Each of these kiddos is unique and become a part of our lives.
So we continue one day at a time, trusting that God will work out what is best for this current child.
