And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Gal 6:9
A few weeks ago while sharing in my Sunday School class I said that if you had told me one year ago what I would be experiencing today in terms of fostering a baby with a complicated case I would have said, no way. I am absolutely not strong enough to go through that again. And it's true; I'm not. I feel like every day I have to rely on God's grace! If you had asked me on April 7th if I would like to go to the hospital the next day to pick up a newborn baby girl and then I would be part of a very complicated case, riding the emotional roller coaster, living from court hearing to court hearing, thinking about therapists, caseworkers, attorneys, Cherokee Nation, parent/child visitation, barely getting any sleep, I would have said I can't do that!!
But if I could rewind these past 8 months and say no thank you to this life I have today would I? No, not at all. I love Miss Baby B, now 8 months old and full of life, and I'm committed now to love, fight, pray.
I have days though where I am so weary in "doing good." Some days I feel like I sacrifice so much and wonder if it will be worth it in this life. Tonight my mom was reading aloud the verse which speaks of taking up your cross to follow Christ. Miss B is NOT a cross, she is pure joy, but sometimes the circumstances that surround her life feel like a heavy, heavy burden. If this is my cross right now though, I'll be grateful that my cross comes with a beautiful, cuddly baby girl!
I try to be a positive person, and I feel like even in the bad days one can always find something to be grateful for. I really try to live by that and in fostering, even after the worst court hearings, I have looked for the one thing that I can thank God for. There is always something.
But I just had one of those days where things were so overwhelming and life felt so serious that I just wanted to quit. I thought WHY am I cloistering away spending time in prayer and fasting over a child that is not my own and missing out on ____________?? (that blank could be filled with many things.) I am tired, tired of being responsible, of caring, of putting my heart on the line. The rest of the world is having fun doing a million different things and I feel like a nun! I was working myself into a real pity party.
And then I looked into B's sweet face, so full of trust and I thought yes, I can press on one day at a time for this one. God gave me this one to love and there is probably no one else in the world who cares for her as much as we do. When God brought Daniel in 2007, I gave him my all, and he continues to take a lot of prayer, energy, and love!
There is a time and season for everything and I guess this season includes juggling life with much prayer and advocating for a helpless baby. And it's all good.
God's grace is sufficient for each day. Another big court hearing is coming up in one week and if it means continued fasting, nightly prayer, and multiple appointments then this is what God has put in my hands for right now and He'll give the strength to keep pressing on.
When you think of it please pray for us and baby girl as we approach a December 16th court hearing. 15 minutes in a court room can completely turn a life around for better or worse. My trust is in God and He has not failed to come through.
