I had one day this past week where I woke up and thought, why am I fostering?
Understand, it has nothing to do with the baby. Everyone in our house
loves her, enjoys her and we would do anything for her. As I told someone today though, if I were ever encouraging someone to get involved in fostering I would not hide from them the fact that it is hard and dealing with the child welfare system can be very frustrating!
In
recent years there have been more support groups forming for foster
families. These groups serve a huge purpose because fellow foster families can lend
understanding, knowledge, advice, and when you need to "vent" no one gets
it like another foster parent. When I started fostering in 2006 this amount of support from fellow foster families did not exist, and neither did the partnerships between churches and DHS.
However, I feel like there is still room for more support for foster parents. Last weekend I was grateful to have the opportunity to share about fostering and adoption at my church's ladies' retreat. As I was thinking of what I wanted to talk about, I realized that not everyone is called to take in a child, but there are so many ways to still be involved.
I really believe that when it comes to the abused and neglected children in our community, it truly takes a village. A speaker I heard recently said that for every one family that is recruited to take in a child or children, there need to be about five or six families supporting them or they will not last. I truly believe it.
Because of the stress involved in Baby B's "case" I keep thinking that after things are resolved I will take a break from active fostering. But I still want to be involved, and not only would I love to be able to encourage more people to open their homes because the need is great, but I would also love to work on gathering more support for foster families from those who may not be in a position to open their home but still have a heart for that cause. When I shared at the ladies' retreat, I mentioned some of the following ways that people can offer support. We have had people do all of these at various times and it has been such a blessing when people have come alongside to be a part of loving a child!
***Bring a meal--getting a new child--or "placement"--is a pretty big deal. Often there is not a lot of notice and it pretty much turns the house upside down to integrate a new person! With Daniel we got about 5 hours notice before the CW brought him. Then this past year we had about 2 hours notice for Little N, and about 2 hours notice to pick up Baby B from the hospital. Suddenly there is a new person with new needs and sometimes a foster family has to scramble to find clothes and equipment. The first few weeks that Baby B was here I was exhausted. We had just brought a newborn home from the hospital but without the months to prepare. I still had to work (foster parents don't get maternity leave!) and keep up a normal schedule. Things got pretty crazy. But I was SO GRATEFUL for friends who offered to bring over dinner. It was one less thing to think about.
***Offer to babysit--Daniel's case required many, many court hearings. During some of the more intense times we had several in one month; it can get expensive to always be hiring sitters. Several different friends offered to come over and stay with him and it was a blessing to know that he was in good hands. I had other friends who told me that if I ever just needed time out or to do some errands or get a haircut that they would be happy to care for him.
***Ask how things are going--foster parents have to respect confidentiality, but I am still grateful when people ask me how things are. It lets me know they care and gives me opportunity to ask for prayer which leads to the following....
***Ask how you can pray--more than babysitting, food, or baby clothes, prayer is the thing that means the most to me. Foster parents often love the children like their own, and it is vitally important to us that things turn out well for them. I know that happens through prayer, and when people ask how they can pray or they let me know that they prayed for the last court date or meeting I am so grateful. Or when they do pray and then follow up to ask how things went it means alot.
***Be another caring adult in the child's life. Whether it's little ones or teenagers, children in foster care need love. When we did respite for teens I appreciated the adults in our lives who showed kindness to them. One family who invited us to their home one evening with one of our teenage girls, responded with such grace when she stole a cell phone from their house! It turned out to be a time of healing and growth for that young lady. I am grateful for the families who now surround Daniel with love. I am grateful for my single friends who are happy to include him and talk with him. I am grateful for various men who have affirmed him as a boy and shown him "manly" things. People are often surprised that DHS allows single women to foster and adopt. I am not a feminist and I don't pretend that it is ideal for a child to be in a single parent home. It's not. But more and more single women are becoming foster and adoptive parents. As I told someone recently, if we waited for only two parent "ideal" homes, there would be a lot more children in the shelter! And as more single women are fostering or adopting, there is a need for male influence in the lives of boys that may be in a single parent home. My knowledge of tools, football, cars, and other guy things only goes so far and when I look down the road to Daniel's teenage years I already know that in addition to needing God, he is going to continue to need good male role-models and mentors in his life or it's going to be hard for him to make it.
And then there are many other ways that different people have been a blessing, from doing house repairs, to including Daniel in their family's activities, doing yardwork, or writing a sweet note of encouragement. I keep one such note on my dresser in which part of it reads "I love...watching God work through your heart and open hands. Keep persevering!"
These are some specific ways I thought of to support foster/adoptive families. But I also mentioned volunteering at the shelter in my city as well as volunteering as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate)
Of course not everyone is called to be involved in fostering. It is something I am passionate about and I hope that I can inspire those who may share my passion to be involved. Whether it's making a difference in the lives of children in foster care or some other completely different mission, I hope I can encourage others to make a difference in their world.
