Well, it's been a while since I've written anything! Sometimes I compose writings in my head but by the time the house is quiet and my work is done for the day I'm usually too tired to type anything coherent so I don't bother ;-) Today I was thinking about how I used to write so much....I kept a regular journal (which I enjoy occasionally looking back and seeing how God has worked in my life), I kept a fairly consistent blog (back when Xanga was popular!), and I wrote poetry. Now I barely do any of those things! Maybe that's why tonight I decided to force myself to write something....
Not that today is the best day for me to be writing because it was one of those frustrating kinds of days....the kind where I come to the end and feel like I wasn't the person I wanted to be. I was a lousy mother, impatient and tired. ::sigh:: Like I tell Daniel when he realizes he messed up, tomorrow is a new day and God's mercies are new every morning.
I don't believe I'm alone in wanting to be the best parent I can be and at times feeling like my child's actions are a direct reflection on my parenting abilites/skills/methods. That is a burden I have to continually give to God. I think I struggle with expectations of myself partially because I am a single parent. I feel like that is already one strike against me (whether it's true or not). I once read an editorial--more like a rant--of Ann Coulter's where she threw up all of the statistics of children raised in single parent homes and basically blamed most of society's problems on the single mothers of the country. I 100% agree that the best and ideal situation is two parents. I know too well the difficulties of growing up with one parent. It's not easy to be the mother or the child. And obviously the statistics don't lie. But they hang over my head and often I think "I don't want to be the single parent with the out of control child!" So I remind myself over and over again I DON'T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING!!! All I have to do is be a mother with God's strength, with God's help, and for His glory. That's it. And in my weakness He can be strong. I am trying to learn to be humble and ask for help and prayer when I need it and realize that it's okay to sometimes not have it all together! I want people to look at my life (and Daniel's life) and say yes, God is good and faithful. I want Him to get all glory, but it won't be by my striving in my own strength.
I was going to write more but my brain is getting tired again! So I'll save it for later.
I'm so thankful that God's mercies truly are new every morning.
