swimming lessons and life lessons

Swimming lessons.....the necessary education that many children must endure. This summer I enrolled Daniel in two weeks of swimming lessons, much to his dismay! Last summer we did parent/child classes at the YMCA and he LOVED it! He was the only child that wasn't crying during the daily 1/2 hour lesson. He's been in the water every summer. But this summer was going to be the first time that he would be in the water without me--and he did not like that thought one bit!

This past Thursday he completed his first week successfully. It was not without much coercion! There are five children in his class, aged 3-5. The first day he begged me to not make him do it. He hung on the side of the pool with a crumpled face, sobbing quietly. He kept looking at me with anguished eyes begging me to let him out. I admit, that I was sooooo nervous and part of me wanted to let him out of the pool so he could be safe with me! But I knew that he could do it, he would be safe, and that in light of the many recent drownings in Oklahoma, swimming is an important skill to learn.

By day 2, Daniel was telling me that he wasn't going to go and when we got to the pool he kept trying to run away.  I had to be firm and I told him that if he wasn't going to come into the pool area that I would get the teacher to come get him. That was enough to get him moving. He resisted getting into the pool, but when he finally did at least there were no more tears.

Wednesday and Thursday mornings were both filled with anxiety. daniel still felt afraid and didn't want to go. By Thursday morning, ALL the children except Daniel and one other boy were hysterical and trying to escape (is swimming really that horrible?)  Thankfully I had a few music students who were here on both mornings who encouraged Daniel that he could do it (and one of them actually had to put Daniel in the car!)

But here's the really neat thing and the reason why I am writing this: I believe the foundation for Daniel's strength and courage was God's Word. We had given him a memory verse, "Surely God is my salvation I will trust and not be afraid." When my mom took him on Wednesday she said she qouted that scripture all the way to the pool. When I took him on Thursday I also kept coaching him with that verse.

He was afraid and he didn't want to do it, but I saw courage in my little boy. In the water he cooperated with all that the teacher asked and he overcame his fear. He found that he could put his head underwater and jump in even though it tested his trust. While the other kids were screaming, Daniel remained calm and at one point I even heard him encouraging one of the other boys that "it was okay...see it's not so bad..."

We'll see what week 2 brings, but I'm certain that God's Word has helped him through this. I am definitely not writing this to brag on Daniel but to say that GOD'S WORD WORKS even for a four year old. And it's teaching me that it is the foundation that we all should build our lives upon!

father's day reflections

I have debated back and forth as to whether or not to write a blog on father's day. Quite honestly it has always been a holiday that makes me uncomfortable simply because I don't know what to do or how to feel about it.

This was the first father's day where I was completely fatherless, knowing that my father died last summer. Prior to this year I was fatherless anyway, it was just one big question mark as to where he really was.

Several years ago while visiting Arizona, we were told that he had died, although no one could confirm it and there was no official record of his death. At that time I mourned because I realized that I would never have a chance to see him again. After about a week of thinking that he was dead, I found out otherwise and went back to my normal life, knowing he was out there somewhere but not exactly sure what to do with that knowledge.

I last saw him when I was 2 years old. I have zero memory of him, although I kind of wish I did. I have pictures, and at least one birthday card that he sent when I was maybe 7 years old. People have asked me over the years if I had any desire to find him or meet him. For most of my life I didn't. I had no hard feelings towards him, I was just kind of afraid and not sure what I would do with him if I did meet him.

When in August of last year, we got a phone call from my someone on the reservation that he had died and this time it was official I had a mixture of emotions. I couldn't exactly mourn someone I didn't know and yet I still mourned. I mourned the loss of a relationship that I never had and would never have. And I mourned his life which was so far less than it could have been.

My knowledge of his life is somewhat sketchy, but what I do know is that it started out less than ideal. The reservations are a hard place to grow up. In my father's case, he spent his early years moving from foster home to foster home. His biological parents were alcoholics who died tragically. Native Americans cannot handle alcohol and my father was no different. When alcoholism took over his life, though at different times he made a profession of faith, he could not overcome the demons that ruled him. And because of that he could not be the husband and father that he might have been.

Here he was as a young man...

So for 26 years I've grown up knowing that I had a father, he was out there somewhere, and that God was my Heavenly Father. I'm still working through what that means...since I never had a relationship with my earthly father it sort of baffles me as to what exactly that means with a Heavenly Father.

But what I do know is that by God's grace, my life defies the statistics of those that grow up without their father present. In that sense my Heavenly Father has been watching over me.

So yesterday was still kind of awkward. I still felt a little sorrow. Unfortunately at this time in our culture, I am no longer in the minority since many children are now growing up in broken homes. And because of that there is a need for Godly male mentors that can be an influence on this next generation.

The message in church last night was an excellent exhortation to see what my Heavenly Father wants to say to me personally. That will be a lifelong quest.

Joplin Part 2

A few days have passed since our Joplin trip. I was hoping to record more of it before too much time passed, while my impressions were still fresh. The days have kept me busy, although I still think of things that happened or things that I saw during our day there.

After we said good-bye at our work site and picked up my mom, we took some time to drive through the worst hit section of the city. Whereas most of the homes in the neigborhood where we had been working still had a basic structure standing, many of the homes in the most devastated section had nothing except for the foundation and piles of rubble. It was unbelieveable; it's hard to imagine how anyone survived. I was driving so I couldn't take any pictures, but I don't think pictures can completely capture what it's like to look at long stretches of utter destruction. And I'm sure it's better now than it was 3 weeks ago.

Back on the road, we all shared our experiences, thoughts, impressions. I returned home utterly exhausted, but satisfied. That night I dreamt about debris! And since then I've pondered several impressions that I had during and following that day...here are some of them (and some of these things were mentioned by mom or friends as we drove home)

***We all agreed that the Samaritan's Purse orientation first thing in the morning was pretty neat. As my mom said, we could feel the presence of God though it wasn't a church or prayer meeting. But the purpose of being there was to go and serve. The purpose beyond the physical work was to show Christ's love in a tangible way. The leader explained how a Bible would be given to each home owner served along with an opportunity to pray with them. I believe that all forms of Christian work and service are important, but it was a wonderful experience for me to serve in that capacity and I would love to do more of it. I gained respect for the particular ministry with which we were working.  I hope that as Daniel gets older he can participate in service to others whether it's in a disaster relief situation or just a neighbor in need. There were many teenagers helping in Joplin, and where my mom volunteered there were youth groups that had come to help.

***As I mentioned in the previous post, I really appreciated our team leader, who just a few days earlier had been a volunteer like us. On our team was one person especially who had either been there for a while, had been a team leader previously, or else wanted to be a leader! He had a bit of an "attitude" and tended to be bossy. (to be honest it got on my nerves a few times!) He was not the assigned leader but in my opinion he seemed to want to make himself second in command. It was amusing (and sometimes annoying) but later I thought about the contrast between the humility and encouragement of our leader and the attitude of the wannabe leader =)  Along those lines I learned a little more about myself.....there were a couple of times that someone who did not have delegated authority gave me direction in a bossy kind of way....and I found myself reacting on the inside. Teamwork requires sacrifice, putting up with others' faults (and hoping they forgive my own!), and learning to get along with all kinds of people.

***While the scope of devastation was enormous, the amount of compassion being shown was overwhelming. Donations and help have poured in from around the country. Someone remarked on the way home that we could not know love and compassion if it were not for pain and suffering. I look forward to when there is no more suffering (heaven), but in this world were suffering never seems to end, it is a blessing to see giving and compassion and blessing to be a part of it.

Joplin Part 1

Spending one day volunteering in Joplin, MO was so amazing and left me with so many impressions, that I am sure that it is going to take more than one blog posting to process it all...

We were just getting ready to pray at the end of our Sunday evening service when we heard that there had been a tornado in Joplin, MO. When I got home that night my mom and I went online to see what happened. The first pictures and video footage I found were unbelievable. In the days following, we talked about how it would be so neat to be able to go up and volunteer since Joplin is about 2 hours away, but since we had no contacts up there and life with a four year old is pretty busy here, I wasn't sure how to go about finding a way to serve.

The weekend following the tornado, my uncle and aunt came through Tulsa on their way back from volunteering with Samaritan's Purse in Joplin. As they shared the experience and encouraged us to look into going I became very excited at the thought of being able to do something to help. Several days went by before I was able to begin to make plans. Finally it was settled that on Monday, June 13, I along with my mom and two friends, Sarah and Katelyn, would drive up for the day, and Daniel would be well cared for by a very dear friend with whom I knew he would have fun and be safe!

We left a little after 5AM in the morning and arrived in Joplin in time for the Samaritan's Purse volunteer orientation. They are headquartered at a large Baptist Church in Joplin. The orientation itself was very focused on the the main thrust of the ministry which is to show Jesus' love to the homeowners that we would be serving. That was emphasized several times in addition to instructing us in safety precautions. I was impressed with the organization skills and how quickly they were able to divide everyone into teams. We found out later that our team leader was simply a volunteer from Texas who just a few days prior was working on someone else's team. When that leader left, Samaritan's Purse asked him to be a team leader. He turned out to be an excellent leader who was encouraging and exhibited servant-leadership.

My mom felt that she may not be able to handle the strenuous work that Samaritan's Purse would be doing at home sites. So we dropped her off at another church in Joplin that was doing supply distribution every day to people who had been directly affected by the tornado. These people had lost their homes and were staying with family or friends, in the college, at a KOA, or anywhere where they could find shelter. She was able to talk and pray with these people. I thought it was neat that there were so many people that came to volunteer, young and old, and that anyone who had a heart to serve could find a place to make a difference.

After dropping my mom off, Katelyn, Sarah, and I drove to the home in which we would be working for most of the day. It was a small, three bedroom house which was missing part of the roof and already there existed a small pile of debris near the curb. The home owner, a woman in her 60s, had already removed the items which she wanted to keep so at this point everything that was left in the home needed to be hauled out so that the home could be demolished. Debris was covering the backyard and so that all needed to be piled in the front and the shed had to be torn down.

The three of us girls decided to start in one of the bedrooms of the home. It seemed a little less overwhelming to me!

Each room was filled with furniture and all of the usual items you would find in a house. However some of the rooms had no roof, many of the things were wet, and mold was beginning to grow. It seemed like a huge job, but with the large number of people on our team, the house began to clear rather quickly and the debris pile outside was growing!

The homeowner arrived late in the morning. Apparently it was hard for her to return to her home and she did not want to go back in. Everyone on our team had signed a Bible that was going to be presented to her. Our team leader gathered everyone and he presented the Bible to her and asked if he could pray for her. She also expressed much gratefulness for those who would give of their time to help her. Seeing the sheer volume of devastation I can only imagine how overwhelmed she must have felt in the days following the tornado. She said that she had two mintues of warning before the tornado hit her home. She took shelter in the bathtub with her purse, cell phone, and diet pepsi. After being presented the Bible though she said that the next time (although hopefully there never is a next time!) she would grab her purse, cell phone, and Bible. The homeowner thanked us, but I truly felt blessed to have the opportunity to help her.

We broke for lunch, returning to the Baptist church to have lunch (volunteers were providing the lunch) It was a very welcome break as I was hungry, weary, and beginning to get a headache!

When we returned to the site the work had become outdoor work. The backyard was covered in debris. A two story duplex behind the house and been destroyed and much of it had been blown into the backyard (and house) of the home which we were clearing. There was nothing left of the duplex except a concrete foundation and a pile of rubble. We were told that one of the occupants did not survive the tornado. Our work consisted of hauling off sections of roofing, which included a lot of lumber, insulation, shingles, and clearing a lot of debris. In this rubble there was drywall, kitchen items, and personal items like mens ties.

This is when the work really started to get more physically demanding. Dust from drywall and pieces of insulation kept being kicked up by the wind. The temperature was nearly 100 degrees. Most of the work was raking, shoveling, and carrying large pieces of roof. It was at this point, while hot sweaty and having a pounding headache, that I looked around at all the volunteers, and marveled at how these people came from places as far as California, Ohio, and Pennsylvania just to do HARD labor for someone they don't even know. Some had been there for several days already. I wished that Allan could have been there watching the young men (and the old ones too!) and getting inspired to do the same thing someday. 

By 2:30 we were done clearing the backyard and we moved to the house across the street. The job here was again clearing the backyard. It was completely filled with debris. I was very tired and we were at this location for close to 45 minutes before it was time for Katelyn, Sarah, and me to say good-bye. The others were going to keep working though I know many of them were weary as well.

This was three weeks after the tornado and Samaritan's Purse has already had 5,000 volunteers and yet there is still work to be done. The magnitude of destruction is unbelievable.

I have many more impressions but I'll have to save them for another day...