Three weeks after he's been gone, our family still talks about Little N and misses him. Daniel frequently brings up something funny Little N did, or talks about what he liked and didn't like. We pray for him and hope that things go well in his life. And now we're open to DHS placing another one...even though a part of me finds it so frustrating to deal with the child welfare system when decisions are made that are not in the best interest of the child. But we do it for the children and hope for the best.
Yeah working with DHS can be maddening. I have heard horror stories from other foster parents,and I have been disappointed myself with poor decisions that have been made. But I have also met those who truly care and want to make good decisions, and I am grateful for the eventual outcome in Daniel's life.
Recently I was thinking back to one situation in Daniel's case. His case was getting so complicated and difficult that his permanency worker was needing assistance. She requested that a second caseworker be put on the case to help. I remember the day that the two caseworkers came to our house to do a home visit. I was a nervous wreck! This second worker was a tall, large woman with steely gray eyes that looked as if they could drill holes into you and see your innermost thoughts. She was scary. She spoke with authority and had a stern face. The visit went well, even though every time she stared at me I wanted to squirm!
A few weeks later we were at the DHS building for a parent visit. By this point I was thoroughly stressed and it was wearing me down. I don't remember the details of what was happening but I just know that I broke down in tears in the third floor lobby and felt completely helpless and hopeless. This intimidating, scary caseworker took me in her arms, hugged me and said, "I know it's hard. But everything is going to be ok." And I realized that underneath her stern demeanor was a woman who really had a heart. She was doing a job that is not easy, that was stressful, and where she had probably had dealt with a lot of ugly things.
The ugliness that is involved with the child welfare system is simply the result of sin. Flawed humans in a flawed system intervene in messy situations and try to do good. But frequently in an effort to do good there is also pain and harm. I saw over and over again in Daniel's situation where people tried to make good decisions or were obligated to follow standard procedures but someone was hurt in the process. The biological parents of these children bring a child into the world, a child who didn't ask to be born. Often the parent (or parents) have no idea how to parent or they are addicted and have their life in a mess. So the child is born and is neglected or abused. DHS intervenes...sometimes there is a good outcome, sometimes there is not. But the root of the original problem is this sinful, fallen world that we live in. And it makes me sad to see the result of sin and the chaos that it causes in the lives of children.
I love that more Christians are getting involved though. Even though child abuse and neglect is not going to completely go away as long as we are on this earth, I am so happy when God's people do what they can to bring God's love into broken families one child at a time. Sin is ugly, but God's love brings beauty and transformation.
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