just rambling.

This past summer I took Daniel to a morning play group at someone's house with some mothers and preschoolers from our church. There was one woman there who was not from our church and in the course of the morning she asked my opinion on having an epdiural and did I have one with Daniel? um....no. I adopted him. At that moment we were trying to gather our stuff to leave and Daniel was standing right there so I didn't bother to go into his/my whole life story at that moment.

Fast forward a few weeks and this same woman and I were working in the toddler room during our homeschool co-op at church along with a third woman. They were talking about whether they called their husbands endearing terms like "honey, sweetie, etc." I busied myself with picking up stray raisins from snack time off the floor. This very sweet woman--in an effort to draw me into the conversation--turned to me and said, "what about you? do you call your husband 'honey'?" I figured my ring-less left hand is enough to give people a clue that I am not married buuuuut.....it looked like I was going to have to start talking about my out-of-the ordinary life. So after the "well, I'm not married" statement comes the puzzled look and then I can practically see all the questions forming because we're at a homeschool co-op after all and how do I fit into the mix? So I answered the basic questions the best I could in a short time but how can I possible condense 5 or so years of my life and Daniel's life into a few brief sentences that make sense.

I am not complaining, but just stating that being a single mother is hard! Although I guess I figured that out years ago since my own mom was a single mom. I suppose I have a greater appreciation now for what she went through while raising me.

Making the transition from just a normal single person to a foster parent to adoptive parent has been in some ways natural but in other ways very, very hard. Growing up I hated to be different from my peers in any way. I was the kind of person that just wanted to be "normal" and God forbid that I would ever do anything that would make me stick out in a weird sort of way. And now? ha! I just live life and deal with my uniqueness the best I can :-) I feel like I fumble around in situations with married couples and families because I'm solo, and this parenting thing came about in a different sort of way. And a lot of people are surprised that a single person can foster, much less adopt. (Let me say here that I have known some of the most AMAZING single women who have adopted and fostered lots of kids. Their hearts are 100% invested in loving children). 

So, I deal with the epidurals/husbands/having babies conversations in part of my life, and then in the other part I deal with the being-single-but-not-totally-single reality. I have a lot of single friends and I used to have more time to "hang out" and stay out late and not have to think about a tantruming child or a child that keeps me up at night. And I try not to bore my single friends with too much parenting talk :-)

For a girl that doesn't want to be "weird" but just wants to blend in like a normal (!) person, I have definitely found myself in a situation that stretches me. God is teaching me to stay focused, to be secure in him, to be understanding, and to not seek approval from anyone but Him. I'm still learning.