A couple of weeks ago I was out with Daniel doing errands....we had just bought plants to put in our garden and now he was testing all the riding mowers in front of the store (i.e. sitting on them). I happened to glance across the parking lot and my heart nearly stopped. My knees went weak. I was overcome with panic and just froze. They were too far away for me to see their faces, but the basic silhouettes from a distance reminded of me of Daniel's biological parents. After a moment of extreme panic I realized it probably wasn't them and resumed conversing with Daniel about the lawn mowers. Relief.
Why the extreme reaction? It's not that I dislike them. I have no feelings of malice or anger. Instead I think it brought back a flood of memories from 2.5 hard years that probably none of us want to relive. If I saw them, what would I say? What would they say? Would we talk? Would they be angry? There were times that I shared smiles with Daniel's biological mother over something funny Daniel did during our shared hour of visitation. There were times we conversed in the courtroom lobby, in a mixture of English and Spanish, just as I would with any other young woman my age. And then there were those awful times of stress, and tension filled moments inside the courtroom where it felt so adversarial.
In the end it was a jury who made the final decision about parental rights so it was out of my hands. After the verdict was reached and it was the end of the road for her, I felt no joy. I felt absolutely nothing except weariness and numbness. (Can you feel numbness?) After the trial was over and people said congratulations I thought "congratulations for what? This wasn't my personal battle...I hate to see another person suffer...What makes me better than another?" I knew people meant well and I appreciated their support but it was hard to feel joy at another person's expense. Relief maybe. In addition, the final decision was made based on what was best for Daniel's future. It was no longer based on what had brought him into DHS custody initially. No one was labeled as the "bad guy," and I cannot point a finger and say "so and so 'did it'" because I don't know and know one will probably ever know.
In the months leading up to the end of her parental rights, I prayed a lot for her (and him). They were not selfish prayers but prayers for their spiritual well-being. Those prayers had truly transformed my heart and feelings towards them, so that my emotions were no longer conflicted but I truly wanted God's best for them. Now 1.5 years later I admit I am not so faithful to pray for them. But my "glimpse" of them the other day reminded me that they are still out there and even if I never see them again they will, in a sense, always be a part of my life. So maybe it's a reminder to pray again.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Some days I feel very alone, kinda scared, and a bit overwhelmed by an unknown future.
And then I remember Jesus' words "I am with you always even until the end of the age..." and I tell myself that everything is going to be okay because Jesus is with me. Everyday. Every moment. In every uncertainty I feel and in every decision I have to make.
Most of the time I don't want anyone to know I feel that way....I'd rather be oh, capable and strong. I have a hard time asking for help, and often try to do so much by myself that I can wear myself out! (maybe not unlike a child?) Sometimes even to rely on God is a major battle, though I believe that he wants me to accept my limitations, learn that it's okay to be weak at times, and then trust Him.
There are days that I wish that I could just see the future just so I would know that it's all going to be okay.
"I am with you..." He is with me now, at this very moment and that is all that matters.
And then I remember Jesus' words "I am with you always even until the end of the age..." and I tell myself that everything is going to be okay because Jesus is with me. Everyday. Every moment. In every uncertainty I feel and in every decision I have to make.
Most of the time I don't want anyone to know I feel that way....I'd rather be oh, capable and strong. I have a hard time asking for help, and often try to do so much by myself that I can wear myself out! (maybe not unlike a child?) Sometimes even to rely on God is a major battle, though I believe that he wants me to accept my limitations, learn that it's okay to be weak at times, and then trust Him.
There are days that I wish that I could just see the future just so I would know that it's all going to be okay.
"I am with you..." He is with me now, at this very moment and that is all that matters.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
If I could do it over again....
For some reason recently I had this memory just come out of nowhere.
A few years ago I was in line at the grocery story behind an elderly man. I was waiting as the cashier rang up all of his groceries. When she finished and gave the total price he handed her his Access card (welfare.) She swiped the card and informed him that the balance on the card would not cover all of his groceries.
He didn't have a lot in his basket as it was. It wasn't overflowing with abundant food, but it must have been towards the end of the month when the card balance was depleted. Thus he began the task of eliminating some of his purchases.
As I was waiting and watching I thought to myself, "I could offer to pay the difference...." This was my chance to be a blessing. It was really only the difference of a few dollars and I had those few dollars in my wallet.
Then I began to reason and I stopped. And this is where I have regrets.
I decided that since he had a few frivolous purchases in his basket (like ice cream) it was not my responsibility to pay for frivolous purchases. After all he was taking out the "real" food and leaving the ice cream in his basket. Whatever possessed me to reason this way I don't know. Does someone who is poor not deserve some fun treats? Why did I set myself up as the health police?
I know all about not giving handouts to people who are just going to waste it on drugs or alcohol but when I think back on that incident I feel so badly and embarrassed at my attitude.
I don't know why this memory from a few years ago came into my thoughts last week, except that I prayed that I might have another opportunity to bless a stranger. And I hope I am paying attention when God answers that prayer!
A few years ago I was in line at the grocery story behind an elderly man. I was waiting as the cashier rang up all of his groceries. When she finished and gave the total price he handed her his Access card (welfare.) She swiped the card and informed him that the balance on the card would not cover all of his groceries.
He didn't have a lot in his basket as it was. It wasn't overflowing with abundant food, but it must have been towards the end of the month when the card balance was depleted. Thus he began the task of eliminating some of his purchases.
As I was waiting and watching I thought to myself, "I could offer to pay the difference...." This was my chance to be a blessing. It was really only the difference of a few dollars and I had those few dollars in my wallet.
Then I began to reason and I stopped. And this is where I have regrets.
I decided that since he had a few frivolous purchases in his basket (like ice cream) it was not my responsibility to pay for frivolous purchases. After all he was taking out the "real" food and leaving the ice cream in his basket. Whatever possessed me to reason this way I don't know. Does someone who is poor not deserve some fun treats? Why did I set myself up as the health police?
I know all about not giving handouts to people who are just going to waste it on drugs or alcohol but when I think back on that incident I feel so badly and embarrassed at my attitude.
I don't know why this memory from a few years ago came into my thoughts last week, except that I prayed that I might have another opportunity to bless a stranger. And I hope I am paying attention when God answers that prayer!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
be it unto me...
The aspect of the Christmas story I have been contemplating this year is Mary. My thoughts began a couple of weeks ago when I got into a conversation about adoption with a woman I met, a friend of a friend. She was sharing about her family's pending adoption of a teenage boy. I briefly spoke of my adoption journey with Daniel. I found her response to Daniel's story amusing because it was something like, "wow! That is so neat! It just makes me think of Mary!" That was a laughable thought.
She went on to explain that just hearing what I told her of the last few years made her think of how perhaps Mary had completely different plans for her life, which did not include becoming pregnant with the Son of God. Yet Mary yielded to God's will and said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be unto me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38)
Often when I talk about adoption people ask me if I have always had an interest in adoption. The short answer is no. While I wasn't opposed to it being a possibility in my life, I wasn't passionate about someday adopting. I had never given it much thought prior to when I started the fostering training, and if I ever did consider adopting, I pictured it being way down the road after getting married.
When I was a senior in high school I used to fill out those time wasting surveys that would go around on email and one of the questions was usually something along the lines of "where do you see yourself in ten years?" I assure you when I pictured myself at 27, my picture did not include being in a difficult fostering situation trying to make decisions about adoption as a single person.
So I think about Mary--and I am in no way attempting to compare myself to Mary! But for some reason this year I have thought more about what she might have experienced both when she was carrying Jesus and through the years as he was growing up. Of course this is all speculation because the Bible doesn't give details on these matters. I imagine though that some people may have thought she was a little odd. There were probably those that didn't believe her story. She was likely misjudged, and I wonder if perhaps it continued throughout her life, especially if people thought her son--Jesus--was kind of strange by claiming to be the son of God.
I thought about how she was so young , betrothed to Joseph, probably looking forward to a happy future... and then the angel appeared and disrupted all those plans. And yet she set aside her will and her plans for God's plan. Could I have done what Mary did? I don't know. But I do know that I, like all Christians, am called to lay aside my will and plans for God's will throughout life.
I ventured into an unknown future when I said yes to Daniel. If I could go back to four years ago, I would make the same decisions even though it has meant sacrifice and some days of feeling overwhelmed.
Probably the biggest struggle for me is finding where I "fit" and knowing exactly how to integrate all the aspects of my life. I also find it a bit awkward when I meet new people--which has happened a lot since attending a new, large church....I get asked questions like "where does your husband work?" since people assume that having a child equals marriage. I obviously can't go through the whole last 4+ years in order to update people on my life story, nor do I want to say "well I'm a single person that adopted" when Daniel is standing right there. He knows he is adopted and he's got an amazing life story, but I don't want it to be his "label." Sometimes I wish I could just go around with a sign on my back saying "hello, I am an adoptive mother who went into fostering because I love children and wanted to help children in the foster system. Yes I am a single mother and Daniel is my only child. So we are a bit unconventional but variety is the spice of life. Thank you for your prayers and support." Then maybe I could avoid some discomfort on my part =)
So I said yes to God and even though Daniel can be a bundle of energy (sometimes naughty energy that wears me out!) I really have fun and I am crazy about him. My life is full and blessed and I feel especially grateful when I look at his peaceful sleeping face at night.
I hope that I can remember in each of the coming days to, like Mary, say yes to whatever God has planned even if it's a different path than what I thought.
She went on to explain that just hearing what I told her of the last few years made her think of how perhaps Mary had completely different plans for her life, which did not include becoming pregnant with the Son of God. Yet Mary yielded to God's will and said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be unto me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38)
Often when I talk about adoption people ask me if I have always had an interest in adoption. The short answer is no. While I wasn't opposed to it being a possibility in my life, I wasn't passionate about someday adopting. I had never given it much thought prior to when I started the fostering training, and if I ever did consider adopting, I pictured it being way down the road after getting married.
When I was a senior in high school I used to fill out those time wasting surveys that would go around on email and one of the questions was usually something along the lines of "where do you see yourself in ten years?" I assure you when I pictured myself at 27, my picture did not include being in a difficult fostering situation trying to make decisions about adoption as a single person.
So I think about Mary--and I am in no way attempting to compare myself to Mary! But for some reason this year I have thought more about what she might have experienced both when she was carrying Jesus and through the years as he was growing up. Of course this is all speculation because the Bible doesn't give details on these matters. I imagine though that some people may have thought she was a little odd. There were probably those that didn't believe her story. She was likely misjudged, and I wonder if perhaps it continued throughout her life, especially if people thought her son--Jesus--was kind of strange by claiming to be the son of God.
I thought about how she was so young , betrothed to Joseph, probably looking forward to a happy future... and then the angel appeared and disrupted all those plans. And yet she set aside her will and her plans for God's plan. Could I have done what Mary did? I don't know. But I do know that I, like all Christians, am called to lay aside my will and plans for God's will throughout life.
I ventured into an unknown future when I said yes to Daniel. If I could go back to four years ago, I would make the same decisions even though it has meant sacrifice and some days of feeling overwhelmed.
Probably the biggest struggle for me is finding where I "fit" and knowing exactly how to integrate all the aspects of my life. I also find it a bit awkward when I meet new people--which has happened a lot since attending a new, large church....I get asked questions like "where does your husband work?" since people assume that having a child equals marriage. I obviously can't go through the whole last 4+ years in order to update people on my life story, nor do I want to say "well I'm a single person that adopted" when Daniel is standing right there. He knows he is adopted and he's got an amazing life story, but I don't want it to be his "label." Sometimes I wish I could just go around with a sign on my back saying "hello, I am an adoptive mother who went into fostering because I love children and wanted to help children in the foster system. Yes I am a single mother and Daniel is my only child. So we are a bit unconventional but variety is the spice of life. Thank you for your prayers and support." Then maybe I could avoid some discomfort on my part =)
So I said yes to God and even though Daniel can be a bundle of energy (sometimes naughty energy that wears me out!) I really have fun and I am crazy about him. My life is full and blessed and I feel especially grateful when I look at his peaceful sleeping face at night.
I hope that I can remember in each of the coming days to, like Mary, say yes to whatever God has planned even if it's a different path than what I thought.
Friday, December 16, 2011
a falling tree and a fragile child
One week ago I finally found time to go buy a Christmas tree. I took Daniel with me, and even though his attention span last all of a few minutes, we did come away with a tree that we were both satisfied with! That day we had about enough time to get it put in the stand and placed in the living room; the decorating would have to wait several days.
This past Monday we made salt dough ornaments and also began pulling out Christmas decorations. We placed ornaments on the tree, reminiscing about people who had given us the ornaments, especially my grandma. By the time we went to bed on Monday, the tree looked quite nice...even though there were clumps of ornaments here and there--clumps which Daniel had oh-so-carefully arranged :-)
By Tuesday the salt dough ornaments were ready to paint. Daniel was crazy with excitement! He carefully painted each one and then left them to dry until the afternoon. Shortly before it was time for my afternoon students to come, we threaded string through the ornaments and Daniel went about finding places to hang them on the tree.
I was sitting in the dining room cutting string and saw Daniel standing on the back of the couch in order to reach up higher on the tree. Then I heard a strange sound, saw Daniel's horrified expression, and watched as the tree disappeared from my view...onto the floor. I walked into the living room and saw puddles of water creeping along the floor, an abundance of pine needles covering the furniture and floor, and several ornaments that had flown off the tree! Not a pretty sight. Thankfully it was pretty easy to clean up and only a few ornaments had been broken but they could be easily glued back together.
Meanwhile, Daniel was letting loose with wails and cries of dismay. He was totally upset that the tree was on the floor and even worse his ornaments were sitting in puddles of water. I didn't react but just picked the tree up and told him it was okay and could all be put back together. Daniel however could not be calmed and began blaming himself and calling himself the "D word" (that's one of the banned words in our house--dumb.) I tried to tell him it was an accident and accidents happen but he completely blamed himself and then got angry at me for trying to tell him it was okay. He ran out of the room and my mom commented that he must still feel a lot of deep rejection from his early months. I agreed. Eventually he settled and came back and all was well again.
I don't talk about Daniel's early months very much anymore. In fact I don't think about it much anymore. The stress of the first two years of his life was so intense that I happily left it behind, and for the sake of his privacy I rarely talk about it much with others. For the most part Daniel is a confident, happy, bright, articulate child and most people--unless they witness a full-blown tantrum--probably think of him as pretty normal. And for the most part he is. (I hate to use the word "normal" anyway because what is normal?)
On those difficult days though I have to remind myself that Daniel's first couple of years were not normal. He endured a lot of stress and confusion and unfortunately those stress chemicals affected his brain. Every so often I flash back to one of the many times as a baby that he raged and struggled with intense emotions. I'm no expert in psychology but I studied enough (earned a Bachelor's degree in it), as did my mom, to know that Daniel's very earliest experiences, even from the womb, have affected him. We all endured many sleepless nights when night terrors interrupted everyone's sleep. We held him and comforted him when he raged and couldn't verbalize the emotions that surged inside of him.
So back to the Christmas tree incident....it made me sad to think that he would be so harsh on himself for something so accidental. Even though Daniel is usually confident and appears resilient, I realized yet again that inside he still has a fragile part of him that struggles with insecurity and maybe wondering if he's really "okay." I only recently went into more explanation with him of what "adopted" means. I've read that those who are adopted sometimes experience insecurity and feelings of rejection because of the fact that they are no longer with their birth mother. I see how Daniel so desperately craves approval from those that he admires and I always pray that those desires will never lead him down the wrong path.
Ultimately I pray that Daniel continues to heal as he is surrounded by loving people, but especially as he opens his heart to God's love, for I believe that some of the deepest hurts can only be healed by God. We have come a long way in the last few years so I'm looking to a hopeful future and praying that I can continue to walk with love and grace.
This past Monday we made salt dough ornaments and also began pulling out Christmas decorations. We placed ornaments on the tree, reminiscing about people who had given us the ornaments, especially my grandma. By the time we went to bed on Monday, the tree looked quite nice...even though there were clumps of ornaments here and there--clumps which Daniel had oh-so-carefully arranged :-)
By Tuesday the salt dough ornaments were ready to paint. Daniel was crazy with excitement! He carefully painted each one and then left them to dry until the afternoon. Shortly before it was time for my afternoon students to come, we threaded string through the ornaments and Daniel went about finding places to hang them on the tree.
I was sitting in the dining room cutting string and saw Daniel standing on the back of the couch in order to reach up higher on the tree. Then I heard a strange sound, saw Daniel's horrified expression, and watched as the tree disappeared from my view...onto the floor. I walked into the living room and saw puddles of water creeping along the floor, an abundance of pine needles covering the furniture and floor, and several ornaments that had flown off the tree! Not a pretty sight. Thankfully it was pretty easy to clean up and only a few ornaments had been broken but they could be easily glued back together.
Meanwhile, Daniel was letting loose with wails and cries of dismay. He was totally upset that the tree was on the floor and even worse his ornaments were sitting in puddles of water. I didn't react but just picked the tree up and told him it was okay and could all be put back together. Daniel however could not be calmed and began blaming himself and calling himself the "D word" (that's one of the banned words in our house--dumb.) I tried to tell him it was an accident and accidents happen but he completely blamed himself and then got angry at me for trying to tell him it was okay. He ran out of the room and my mom commented that he must still feel a lot of deep rejection from his early months. I agreed. Eventually he settled and came back and all was well again.
I don't talk about Daniel's early months very much anymore. In fact I don't think about it much anymore. The stress of the first two years of his life was so intense that I happily left it behind, and for the sake of his privacy I rarely talk about it much with others. For the most part Daniel is a confident, happy, bright, articulate child and most people--unless they witness a full-blown tantrum--probably think of him as pretty normal. And for the most part he is. (I hate to use the word "normal" anyway because what is normal?)
On those difficult days though I have to remind myself that Daniel's first couple of years were not normal. He endured a lot of stress and confusion and unfortunately those stress chemicals affected his brain. Every so often I flash back to one of the many times as a baby that he raged and struggled with intense emotions. I'm no expert in psychology but I studied enough (earned a Bachelor's degree in it), as did my mom, to know that Daniel's very earliest experiences, even from the womb, have affected him. We all endured many sleepless nights when night terrors interrupted everyone's sleep. We held him and comforted him when he raged and couldn't verbalize the emotions that surged inside of him.
So back to the Christmas tree incident....it made me sad to think that he would be so harsh on himself for something so accidental. Even though Daniel is usually confident and appears resilient, I realized yet again that inside he still has a fragile part of him that struggles with insecurity and maybe wondering if he's really "okay." I only recently went into more explanation with him of what "adopted" means. I've read that those who are adopted sometimes experience insecurity and feelings of rejection because of the fact that they are no longer with their birth mother. I see how Daniel so desperately craves approval from those that he admires and I always pray that those desires will never lead him down the wrong path.
Ultimately I pray that Daniel continues to heal as he is surrounded by loving people, but especially as he opens his heart to God's love, for I believe that some of the deepest hurts can only be healed by God. We have come a long way in the last few years so I'm looking to a hopeful future and praying that I can continue to walk with love and grace.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
just thoughts....
wow, it's been a while since I've written here. I have wanted to write about some of my thoughts and the various transitions in these past few months, but the days have gone by so quickly that by the time the house is quiet I am too tired to pull the computer out.
There have been life transitions recently, some good and necessary, all of them hard (for me). I don't really seek after change; all of my life I have been slow to warm up to new ideas....always wanting to test the waters before plunging in.
The passing of my maternal grandma at the end of September meant loss and change. Following her passing were two out of town trips, which included the opportunity to see family members that I had not seen in several years. It marked the closing of semi-regular trips to Ohio that have been a part of my life for almost as long as I can remember, and saying goodbye to her condominium which held many memories.
Meanwhile, my days continue to fly by. Daniel is growing and changing and with his growth I have had to grow as well. I have had to expand my world and be willing to make necessary changes. At times it leaves me feeling uncertain and not quite sure where I fit in life. But nothing stays the same and it requires me to be open to whatever God has next. I guess it could be called walking by faith.....I have to keep moving forward even though I don't know what's ahead!
And that is where I have to trust God. Daniel's child like faith reminds me of that. Lately, when he/we come against a problem his solution is to pray about it. A few weeks ago he and I were in the backyard; I sat and watched while he zoomed his trucks all over the yard. Daniel loves anything that has to do with cars, engines, tires, hubcaps, etc. On this particular day he was racing around with a Chevy Tahoe on which he had taped round magnets onto the hubcaps. (It was a perfect fit and it made the hubcaps look black.) Suddenly he began screeching that one of the magnets had fallen off and would I please find it for him. The request was along the lines of finding a needle in a haystack, except in this case it meant finding a small quarter sized magnet somewhere in the leaves and clover of the backyard.
I started to help him look for it, asked him to retrace his steps and meanwhile I was thinking to myself, "should I remind him to pray about this situation?" I want him to grow up to be someone who takes all of his problems to God but this situation just seemed big to me for some reason. It was at a time when I was wrestling with my own questions about God answering prayer and I worried that if Daniel prayed that God would help him find the magnet and then we didn't find the magnet that it would be a disappointment (I was probably more worried about my own fragile faith at the moment) I went ahead and suggested that Daniel and I ask God to help us, which we did.
We continued to shuffle around the yard, digging around leaves--he apparently had covered nearly every square inch of the yard with that Tahoe. Meanwhile I was praying in my head, reminding God that it would mean a lot to Daniel to find the silly magnet.
Finally after circling the yard and following whatever tread marks I could see, I saw the magnet lying in a bit of brush. Daniel was happy and excited, we thanked God and he moved on to the next thing. I gave God extra thanks for once again answering Daniel's prayers for one of those little things that mean so much to him.
Daniel also has some pretty big prayers, beyond my ability to answer. I hope these little prayers encourage his faith. They encourage me to believe God to answer the bigger ones.
There have been life transitions recently, some good and necessary, all of them hard (for me). I don't really seek after change; all of my life I have been slow to warm up to new ideas....always wanting to test the waters before plunging in.
The passing of my maternal grandma at the end of September meant loss and change. Following her passing were two out of town trips, which included the opportunity to see family members that I had not seen in several years. It marked the closing of semi-regular trips to Ohio that have been a part of my life for almost as long as I can remember, and saying goodbye to her condominium which held many memories.
Meanwhile, my days continue to fly by. Daniel is growing and changing and with his growth I have had to grow as well. I have had to expand my world and be willing to make necessary changes. At times it leaves me feeling uncertain and not quite sure where I fit in life. But nothing stays the same and it requires me to be open to whatever God has next. I guess it could be called walking by faith.....I have to keep moving forward even though I don't know what's ahead!
And that is where I have to trust God. Daniel's child like faith reminds me of that. Lately, when he/we come against a problem his solution is to pray about it. A few weeks ago he and I were in the backyard; I sat and watched while he zoomed his trucks all over the yard. Daniel loves anything that has to do with cars, engines, tires, hubcaps, etc. On this particular day he was racing around with a Chevy Tahoe on which he had taped round magnets onto the hubcaps. (It was a perfect fit and it made the hubcaps look black.) Suddenly he began screeching that one of the magnets had fallen off and would I please find it for him. The request was along the lines of finding a needle in a haystack, except in this case it meant finding a small quarter sized magnet somewhere in the leaves and clover of the backyard.
I started to help him look for it, asked him to retrace his steps and meanwhile I was thinking to myself, "should I remind him to pray about this situation?" I want him to grow up to be someone who takes all of his problems to God but this situation just seemed big to me for some reason. It was at a time when I was wrestling with my own questions about God answering prayer and I worried that if Daniel prayed that God would help him find the magnet and then we didn't find the magnet that it would be a disappointment (I was probably more worried about my own fragile faith at the moment) I went ahead and suggested that Daniel and I ask God to help us, which we did.
We continued to shuffle around the yard, digging around leaves--he apparently had covered nearly every square inch of the yard with that Tahoe. Meanwhile I was praying in my head, reminding God that it would mean a lot to Daniel to find the silly magnet.
Finally after circling the yard and following whatever tread marks I could see, I saw the magnet lying in a bit of brush. Daniel was happy and excited, we thanked God and he moved on to the next thing. I gave God extra thanks for once again answering Daniel's prayers for one of those little things that mean so much to him.
Daniel also has some pretty big prayers, beyond my ability to answer. I hope these little prayers encourage his faith. They encourage me to believe God to answer the bigger ones.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Joplin trip 9/10/11
Saturday, Sept 10, my alarm clock woke me up at 4:15a.m. I am not a morning person and I thought to myself "why am I dragging myself out of bed at this crazy hour??" The plan was to meet up with a local group at 5:30 in order to board a bus and pull out for Joplin, MO. After dressing, drinking some coffee, and gathering my stuff together, I said good-bye to my mom and Daniel and left for a day of adventure.
The group I was going with was working with a non-denominational church in Joplin. The church, Abundant Life Christian Center ( http://www.abundantlifejoplin.org/ ) has been supporting relief efforts by housing people displaced by the May tornado, as well as volunteers who have come in to work, whether church groups, individuals, or secular organizations. In addition to housing up to 200 people each week, the church provides three meals per day and has a warehouse of supplies (toiletries, groceries, etc.) which is open to the residents of Joplin each week.
I was told from the outset that I would find out where I was needed once I got there. On my previous trip in June I had worked with Samaritan's Purse clearing debris at specific homesites. I was hoping on this trip to do more of the same, but of course had to be open to whatever I would be asked to do.
We arrived later than planned and the group that was going out to work in Joplin doing debris removal had already left. Soooo, I was going to be assigned to work at the church. No problem, it was a pretty day and there were interesting people to visit with. Since the church has been housing people and stocking a warehouse with semi-loads of donations, there was plenty of work to organize supplies, stock warehouse shelves, organize pallets of water, and clean in the church.
The group I was going with was working with a non-denominational church in Joplin. The church, Abundant Life Christian Center ( http://www.abundantlifejoplin.org/ ) has been supporting relief efforts by housing people displaced by the May tornado, as well as volunteers who have come in to work, whether church groups, individuals, or secular organizations. In addition to housing up to 200 people each week, the church provides three meals per day and has a warehouse of supplies (toiletries, groceries, etc.) which is open to the residents of Joplin each week.
I was told from the outset that I would find out where I was needed once I got there. On my previous trip in June I had worked with Samaritan's Purse clearing debris at specific homesites. I was hoping on this trip to do more of the same, but of course had to be open to whatever I would be asked to do.
We arrived later than planned and the group that was going out to work in Joplin doing debris removal had already left. Soooo, I was going to be assigned to work at the church. No problem, it was a pretty day and there were interesting people to visit with. Since the church has been housing people and stocking a warehouse with semi-loads of donations, there was plenty of work to organize supplies, stock warehouse shelves, organize pallets of water, and clean in the church.
the bus
We Care center (warehouse of supplies for Joplin residents)
semis with donatations
working
The morning passed quickly and we broke for lunch (provided by volunteer cooks at the church) During lunch the pastor's wife expressed her gratitude and mentioned that they may send some people out to work in Joplin during the afternoon. I thought "great--now I can get out really work!" After all I had come prepared with work clothes, goggles, gloves, etc. I was ready to move debris! She then went on to explain that the church had been really stretched in opening their doors. She was feeling overwhelmed at the amount of work there was to do. The registration area needed to be cleaned, the bunk areas needed to be organized, the prayer room need to be resupplied, basically there was lots of cleaning and organization around the church.
So as she was talking, I was thinking to myself..."I did not come all the way to Joplin in order to CLEAN!! I mean I like cleaning but I do enough of it at my own house.... and organizing just sounds flat out boring!" I figured I would just avoid the pastor's wife after lunch that way i wouldn't get pulled into cleaning bathrooms or anything! Yeah, I know I didn't exactly have a servant's heart at that point!
After lunch I visited with some people, signed one of the large tarps hanging around the church that was for volunteers to sign (and there were signatures from ALL over!) and then I found myself unsure of what to do next. I found my group leader and asked where I should start and she directed me to go find the pastor's wife and work with her!!! Right. I was being asked to do the one thing I did not want to do.
I spent the next few hours working right alongside her, cleaning, organizing, and sorting, with barely a break! At times it was tedious but I appreciated the fellowship as well as seeing just how much that particular church was doing for the relief effort.
I think the biggest lesson I learned was to just be a servant in whatever capacity was needed, whether it was my job of choice or not. I saw how every job whether big or little is important because it is all part of the whole. The church itself was not a large church and yet they are doing so much! It has been estimated that the process up rebuilding Joplin could take up to 5 years. As of now the church, Abundant Life Christian Center, has committed to having their doors open and participating in volunteer efforts for 5 years if it takes that long.
People from all walks of life were there to volunteer. In the group that I went with, there was a mother with her two young children, several teenagers, and even two women who were in their 70s! The pastor's wife emphasized to everyone that there is still a need for volunteers in Joplin. She asked that we continue to spread the word. There was a huge surge of help following the tornado but it has gradually slowed, though the needs remain.
In October, Habitat for Humanity will be in Joplin for a week with a plan to build 7 homes in 7 days. They are hoping for 10,000 volunteers to help. Also in October Extreme Home Makeover will be in Joplin and they too need volunteers.
Before driving back to Tulsa, our driver took us through the city since several in the group had not been to Joplin. I had been there in June and July, but both times we drove through fairly quickly and did a short loop through the hardest hit areas. This time however the driver took us the length of the tornado's path. There have been many changes since I was there last. There is definitely progress but it still brought tears to my eyes. It seemed that this time I really got a better idea of the enormity of the area of devastation. It is absolutely mind-boggling. We saw approximately where the tornado first touched down. I couldn't imagine how terrifying it must have been.
I did not bring a camera but took some pics on my phone from inside the bus...
some houses appear to be exactly as they were right after the tornado
in some areas all that remains are concrete slabs
a cross that amazingly remained intact even though the church was destroyed
some areas are starting to rebuild
alot of the debris and rubble have been cleared but a pile remains here and there
occasionally there is a destroyed car just out in the middle of nothing
some of those barren trees are starting to get some leaves
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)